The solution to any writing problem

Have you ever watched a movie that was boring? Have you ever tried writing something and then got stuck? I’ve put some thought into this recurring problem, and I have finally figured out the solution.  No matter what issue you face in a story, you only need one thing:

Zombies

Yes, zombies are the ultimate cure.  Why does Sally go out in the front yard so she can conveniently run into John, the love interest?  Because zombies are chasing her.  When will Sara get over her unending guilt about the accidental death of the child in her charge?  Somewhere between running for her life and facing down the zombie intent on eating her.  It has been said that to make a film, all you need is a girl and a gun.  Well, zombies make it one step easier.

Here are a few examples of how a zombie could be added to the mix of some of this year’s Oscar-level films to make them a little bit more entertaining:

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY – As the main character struggles to tell his story by blinking, zombies are attacking!  His wife manages to get his last words on the page before he’s tragically mauled by zombies, who then quickly turn on the girl he was hot for who couldn’t be bothered to see him.  Wife and children manage to kill all the zombies and retire on the proceeds of book.

ATONEMENT – After the main characters die, a mysterious plague infects the ground and they, along with many others killed during this time, rise again as zombies.  Main characters go after the narrator of the story, saying “This is how to atone, bitch!” They eat her brains then go off and have mad zombie sex.

Have any other writing problems? I will happily apply the zombie solution to your story!

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2 Comments

Filed under Film, Writing

2 responses to “The solution to any writing problem

  1. Oh man, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it before but that’s totally what ATONEMENT needed: a more violently cathartic method of atoning!

    KRAMER VS. KRAMER, TERMS OF ENDEARMENT… hell, CHARIOTS OF FIRE already has people running! Should they be running to overcome religious/class persecution (snore), or to escape from fucking zombies??

    The answer is clear, America. The zombie solution works. The writing is on the walls.

  2. You’ve hit the nail on the head. And certainly the Zombie solution would have saved such films as Schindler’s List, Star Wars: Episode I, and P.S. I Love You.

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