Create your own time to penis quest!

My friend Paul was driving some conservative out-of-town visitors around Los Angeles one sunny afternoon.  Paul was explaining that the city was actually quite normal, despite what the news media suggests.  Just then, a giant inflatable penis bounced across the road.  Turns out, that is quite normal. 

The Spore creature creation tools have caused quite a humorous conversation on other blogs and the women developer list because of TTP.  TTP or TTC describes how long it takes user generated content (UGC) to yield a penis, hence “time to penis.”  At ION, we talked about how UGC can connect the player to the game story as well as the player’s story.  If we handed quest creation tools to players in MMOs, what do you think would be the TTP?  Let’s find out!

Create an in-game MMO quest that clearly invokes what TTP is all about.  Let’s assume that the designers have coded restrictions on profanity and the use of certain terms, like penis.  Even with this restriction, you can still write some blue content.  A line from an old MUD stated proudly: “(playername) strokes his long black rod.”   Come up with a short quest or quest premise, and post it in the comments if you’re bold or e-mail me if you’re shy at anne (at)  I’ll come up with one myself by next week and we will see whose TTP is faster!

Need inspiration?  You can set your quest in any MMO, but if you want to narrow it down quickly, set it in WoW.  Extra points if you can tie your UGC into the game story that already exists.  Have fun! 

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Filed under Amusing diversions, Game Design, Games, Writing

4 responses to “Create your own time to penis quest!

  1. I’m not exactly sure this is what you were going for, but I hope it’s amusing anyway…The setting is a Generic Fantasy MMO(tm).

    The Minstrel’s Mighty Tool

    ==D In a Tavern:

    Minstrel: Good eve, traveler! I’d like to make you welcome in our fair establishment…I’d like to, but I’m afraid I can’t muster the cheer just at the moment. But you don’t want to hear about my problems, enjoy the wine, song and…(sigh).

    ==D Ask Minstrel about his problems:

    Minstrel: You really wish to know? It’s been so long since anyone asked after my problems! I’m always expected to swallow my pride and entertain whoever–What? Oh, yes. You see, I’m afraid I have misplaced something…something very important. A tool. Of my trade. Everyone has a tool that’s important to them, you see. So a knight has his long lance, so a wizard has a knobby staff, so a church has a powerful organ…without my mighty tool I shall find it difficult to travel the countryside and entertain women.

    ==D Offer to help:

    Minstrel: Oh, if you could help, I would be eternally grateful! I can’t quite remember where I had it last, though you could try the blacksmith.

    ==D Insert more wild goose chase encounters here, but eventually we get to:

    Blacksmith: A minstrel? No, I haven’t seen anyone like that. I spend a lot of time in here hammering away. Speaking of which, if you have a moment, could you drop in and visit my wife? She likes to entertain visitors.

    ==D And so we go on…The encounter with the Blacksmith could probably be skipped with no ill effect. In any case, this following dialogue might change depending on player gender…or then again, maybe not.

    Blacksmith’s Wife: Good afternoon, adventurer! Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable. My husband won’t be back until this evening, I’m sure. He leaves me all alone all the time…

    ==D Ask about the minstrel:

    Blacksmith’s Wife: Oh, yes, I have his mighty tool right here. He was quite deft with it, but I’m getting pretty handy with it myself. I couldn’t possibly part with it. Not unless you got me some kind of replacement.

    ==D Back to the blacksmith:

    Blacksmith: You want what? I guess I could do that. Now that I think about it, it might be an interesting challenge. I’ll need 10 Iron to forge such a mighty tool.

    ==D Get 10 Iron and bring it back:

    Blacksmith: Yes, this is just what I needed. It’s amazing, I’ve never tried working with a tool like this, but somehow it just feels right. Hmmm, I’d like to try working on it some more. Could you get 10 more Iron for me?

    ==D Get 10 MORE Iron:

    Blacksmith: Yes, excellent. I’ve perfected the shape, long and slightly curved, and I’ve woven powerful enchantments into it. I think I’ll be keeping this tool as a souvenir, it’ll have a place of honor in my workshop. You can have this second one.

    ==D Receive Iron Tool. Go back to Blacksmith’s Wife:

    Blacksmith’s Wife: Amazing, my husband forged that? It looks like it was created with love and tenderness. That explains a lot. But I’ve changed my mind, I’m keeping the original, it has sentimental value. Now go away and leave me alone!

    ==D Back to the minstrel (could probably skip the previous with no ill effect):

    Minstrel: What’s that? So long and straight, it looks perfectly forged! And it’s iron! I imagine it could stand up to the most intense wear and abuse. Thank you, my friend, this is an excellent replacement, a tool even mightier than the original!

    ==D Receive quest reward. Yay!

  2. Fun use of euphemisms 🙂 So what’s the quest reward?


  3. What’s the quest reward? I don’t know…I couldn’t think of anything clever for that one. I left it up to the MMO economist. 😛

  4. Pingback: Game Design: Leveraging User-Created Content « Chaos Garden

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